By Natalie C Belford
Life
Whether you get married or get divorced, every experience builds character. Embrace the struggles and challenges that go with life-changing events.
Know that all situations are to develop the person you are intended to be. After experiencing divorce, just about everything else you will go through in life will be effortless.
If I knew then what I know now, I would have been far too knowledgeable of what I wanted out of life and my career to ever be tied down like I was. When I was 18 years old, someone once said to me, "Don't ever settle." It would not be until years later that I could fully grasp the meaning of this statement. The words are few and simple, yet so profound.
Do not settle for anything or anyone that does not have your best interest in mind. Do not settle for something easy only because you have been told all your life that what you truly wanted was too difficult to achieve. Do not settle for something because you feel it is merely your lot in life and that you must accept the hand that you were dealt.
Finality
Grieve the loss of the dream of being happily married.
Chances are you are grieving the loss of the idea of being happily married, and not grieving the loss of the painful marriage itself. The abusive spouse needs help to get well.
If, after exhausting all resources trying to help and he still refuses said help, decide what you want out of life and take every step necessary to achieve it. Know that you have done all you can to make things work.
Rid yourself of anyone who weighs you down emotionally. Allow only those in your life who will build you up and whose success you admire. It will be incredibly painful once you have parted ways, yet only after you have grieved are you able to move forward. There is beauty in the disheveled. Embrace it.
Even a bad day now is better than any good day I had in the previous chapter of my life.
Forgive
Forgive yourself for choosing the difficult path. Allow yourself however long it takes to work through the anger, but once that is over, know that you will experience tranquility.
A friend once said to me, "The way it is, is the way it's supposed to be." Hearing this brought everything into perspective for me.
I realized that I had to go through what I did in order to move away and experience things I never would have done should I had stayed with the ex.
Once I made the decision to break away and finally did so, I was given a second chance in nearly every area of my life, and for that, I am eternally grateful. I had the opportunity to apologize to someone whom I felt that I had wronged.
Hearing this person say that I had nothing for which to apologize made me realize that I had to forgive myself as my friend already had forgiven me. I was the only one holding on to the pain.
Motivation
I could say that my ex-husband gave me enough fuel to light a lifetime of fires within me. And he did. If I felt he deserved any credit, that would be it.
Focus now on what you want for your life now and in the future, and let nothing stop you from achieving that which you desire. Enjoy the journey.
Give yourself time to let go and allow all good things to come. It will take time, yet once you are able to do this, everything in life will fall into place. Look forward to starting over.
Do all the things that you have been putting off such as going back to school and traveling. Start enjoying your life again.
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